Joe's Blog

Behold the Jaw!

2009-09-01T03:44:00.005-04:00

My friend Mike challenged me to make a bust out of clay and this is what I did. I challenge anyone out there who's reading to do the same and send me your pics to post too. Let's sculpt some busts!!!

IE Friendly Non-Compliant Code that Still Validates

2009-07-04T01:02:00.012-04:00

I was working on a webpage recently, and as usual, IE was the only browser giving me fits. I used an object tag to embed a video player, and IE wasn't rendering it. So, to get around this problem, I used IE's conditional comments. This is a very common reaction, but most people I've seen online jump through all kinds of hoops to provide an object tag that works in IE and a different one for everyone else. I think it's ridiculous to do so much work for such a crappy browser, so I decided to use an iframe for IE and an object for everyone else. Since the iframe is hidden in the conditional comments, the markup validates, since the only real markup not hidden is the web standards compliant object tag. If IE refuses to get with web standards, why should we try to write compliant code for it? Since the conditionals hide all the non-compliant IE code in the comments, they don't interfere with validation. Here is my code below:

/* This code gives an iframe for all IE. This code is commented out and not read in validation */

<!--[if IE]><![endif]-->

/* This code is NOT commented out, and is what all browsers that aren't IE will see, and is read in validation. This code should be compliant. */

<!--[if !IE]>--><!--<![endif]-->

"This is what the bear might have looked like..."

2009-06-17T11:27:00.004-04:00

Unbelievable that this passes for journalism. "Do a story where the bear isn't."

KILL KILL KILL ver. 2

2009-02-28T02:58:00.004-05:00

Flash Game I made. Updated to get faster in waves, and end the game if you fail to click a single ant in a wave.

Object-Oriented Conversation

2009-02-17T01:03:00.001-05:00

I think you know what I'm talking about.

Oh come on, do you really think she's that stupid.

In fact I do.

We both know what you mean by that.

What do you mean?

I mean what you think I mean.

Now you're just showing off.

But I always have, haven't I?

You don't know what you're talking about.

You can't deny it.

Sure, but who'd want to?

*She* always did. But that's over now.

Thanks to you.

Hell yeah, thanks to me, she wouldn't have even talked to him if it wasn't for me.

But you knew what you were doing.

I knew what she'd do.

No you didn't, but you hoped.

And I was right.

Well, its all moot now.

Isn't it?

Yes, it is.

You would know.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's just that you always say what's expected of you.

I don't think that's true.

Proving my point exactly.

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Then what should we talk about? You're the one who brought it up.

No, I didn't.

Well, who can remember. The point is -

The point is that I don't like all these insinuations.

Then let's talk about something else.

Fine. Let's.

WuW D.C.

2009-01-20T00:17:00.005-05:00

I just got back from almost being trapped in Washington D.C. I was there Thursday through Sunday for two performances from Wake up World we did at the Arlington Draft House. The shows went well, but when we tried to leave Sudnay morning, our driver almost couldnt get out of the city because the Secret Service had shut down all the roads. It was also a bit of a shock to see the title of one of our movie posters on the headline of USA Today the next morning.

Collateral Victory

2008-12-08T23:52:00.004-05:00

A collector's item no Patriot can do without.

Control Patrol

2008-11-27T14:15:00.004-05:00

I'm now selling my debut CD on a site called Lulu. They only make as many as get ordered, so a lazy sloth like myself can just upload everything and let others do all the work! So go buy my music, so I can get rich.

Buy Control Patrol!!!

Snakes on a Boat!

2008-11-25T19:54:00.002-05:00

"I'm getting tired of these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' boat!"

Country Roads

2008-11-14T23:08:00.003-05:00

I've been in West Virginia too long. Here's a recent photo Gabi and I took. For two city slickers from New York City we sure did fit in well.

Obama's Eleven

2008-11-06T08:06:00.002-05:00

South Park's take on the election was pretty hilarious. If you missed it:

www.southparkstudios.com

Click on this image (on THEIR site, not here)

VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-04T11:56:00.002-05:00

If you're reading this and you haven't already, GO OUT AND VOTE!!! Even if you're planning to vote for the "bad guy", go do it anyway. Especially if you live in WV, NC, FL, OH, or any other battleground state. GO VOTE GO VOTE GO VOTE!

I'm a Douche

2008-11-02T17:34:00.002-05:00

I'm making a mea culpa to anyone reading this out there, who I haven't talked to in ages. I'm a douche. You know who you are... maybe you've been inviting me to loads of Facebook events and I haven't responded, or maybe you call and I talk to you for a few minutes but never make any time to actually hang out. Whatever the case, I'm sorry. It's not a snub, I've just been super busy with work and home stuff and etc. Shoot the Messenger is wrapping up soon, so I shouldn't be as insanely busy. I promise to be a better friend in the future. Forgive me?

Has Anyone Apologized?

2008-10-31T22:57:00.004-04:00

I saw Michael Moore on Countdown with Keith Olbermann and I just wondered if anyone's ever apologized to him after being demonized and marginalized after he put out Fahrenheit 9/11. I know some people on the left don't like Michael Moore very much, and from what I read there was some sloppy filmmaking going on in F9/11, which gave the pro-Bush lobby reason to make him out to be a lying traitor. I kind of hold it against him that he wasn't a bit more careful, but what's all the hate about? Even today, I get the feeling that most of Americ just thinks he's some kind of nut. But seriously, looking back now at what the Bush Presidency has done to our country, who can hold it against him for trying to stop it? In case no one else ever gets around to it, I'll go ahead, even though I never understood the hate: I'm sorry Michael Moore. You aren't as bad as everyone seems to think you are.

Is It Over Yet?

2008-10-25T02:48:00.010-04:00

With the incessant daily countdown ringing in my ears from every cable news network, I hardly need reminding that the Presidential election is coming up soon. (Has it been two years already? How the time does fly...) But every day more and more McCain rats flee the sinking ship, and I say good riddance. Especially after the recent wave of speeches the McCain camp has been putting out there.

So I thought of an economical solution (good for a financially floundering campaign) to do two things the McCainers so desperately need... More supporters, and a little bit of truth. So here are the campaign posters I designed for him. Any takers should feel free to print them out and wave them proudly at any McCain rally you might be attending.

Asian Cuisine is the Worst

2008-10-20T20:47:00.004-04:00

I don't mean to sound xenophobic, and I certainly have nothing against Asian culture or people, but I have to say, food from that part of the world is just bad. Or rather, it just doesn't agree with me. It's not that I have a weak stomach or, or that I'm one of those people who'll only eat bland food. I love spicy and flavorful food. Middle Eastern food, Indian food, Mexican food... all great! But every time I try to eat Chinese, or Vietnamese, or Thai food, I just can't do it.

It usually happens like this. I'll order the food, or go to the restaurant, and try to choose a meal that sounds really appetizing. I usually find several, and chose the best one for my mood. Then the food arrives. I eat a few bites, and within several minutes, my appetite is completely gone, and every bit becomes harder and harder to endure. Usually, I end up with more than half of more order sitting on my plate, and feeling like I never want to eat again. Nauseated. But I'm not really full. Within an hour, I'm starving.

Now I know it's a stereotype about Chinese food that you're "only going to get hungry an hour later." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. But the only reason I get hungry so soon is that I never really eat any of it to begin with. I've sat disgusted, staring at a plate full of some of my favorite things to eat, but unable to choke down another morsel.

I wonder if I have a chromosome missing or something. Everyone else seems to love this shit, but I just can't feel it. At least I know which part of the world I shouldn't move to next.

COBRA!

2008-10-05T02:05:00.003-04:00

Breaking News!

2008-10-04T20:16:00.005-04:00

This image just in from the Vice Presidential debate!

Moving

2008-09-29T02:36:00.003-04:00

So, I've just finished moving my apartment, and we did it in about 3 days. Luckily, my wife is kind of psycho so she forces me to put things right instead of living out of boxes for weeks. But it was a lot of work...

We hired these movers, and their gimmick is they only hire artists, like musicians, actors, comedians, etc., and they were really reasonable, so we decided to give it a try. And they were awesome! They loaded the whole apartment in 35 minutes and got everything in the new place in under an hour. And they were working by the hour! Nothing was broken and (a real rarity in the NY service industry) they spoke English. I would highly recommend them to anyone in the area who needs to move.

So, Shoot the Messenger Monday, back to work all week, then do it all over again. Sarah Silverman will be on our show the week after (10/6), so check it out if you're here.

The Fallen

2008-09-07T01:25:00.002-04:00

One more video I did for Shoot the Messenger called The Fallen. It's a moving tribute to some of the politicians we've lost over the past 8 years.

Give to the War

2008-09-07T01:10:00.003-04:00

This is a PSA that I edited/produced for Shoot the Messenger featuring Sarah Silverman. Give now before it's too late.

Grrr....

2008-09-04T13:46:00.003-04:00

Minneapolis has been a blast/clusterfuck. More after I get back to NYC and get some sleep.

Gruesome Bread

2008-08-19T01:30:00.002-04:00

I think this guy missed his calling as a special effects artist. Though I could go for an arm of bread right now...

Great Questions

2008-08-17T14:30:00.006-04:00

I think the caller has a point.

Faith!

2008-08-16T13:02:00.005-04:00

So Obama and McCain are going to be on CNN doing another one of those bullshit faith-based things. What's the deal with these? Televised pandering to evangelicals under the guise of "sharing" their own deeply personal convictions with the highly spiritual American people. What a bunch of crap. One of the things CNN said today was that evangelicals view Abortion and Gay Marriage as the two most important political issues. Seriously? It seems strange to me that the two issues that have the least impact on their own personal lives should be so important. That's like if atheist voters listed Rapture and Communion as their most important issues. Honestly, if any evangelical can show me the verse in the bible that says "Thou shalt stick thy nose in other people's assholes." I'll write a retraction.

Don't miss the pandering! Watch Saturday night at 8! Only on CNN!!!!!@#$%^&*

Rhinovirus

2008-08-15T22:38:00.023-04:00

Having a cold sucks, but for the first time in my life I feel like I kicked its ass. With the help of DayQuil, Zicam, Afrin, some Orange Juice, and half a tree's worth of toilet paper, I've gone from the beginning stages of a cold to getting my taste back in 3 days. Great progress.

But other than that, I've been just working my life away as usual. Here's a cool thing I did for Shoot the Messenger last week.

Feelin' the Olympic pride.

Namibia

2008-08-05T11:49:00.010-04:00

My friend Jon sent me this pic & text to go with it. Thought I'd share...

This is Dune 7, on the Atlantic coast of southwest Africa. It's one of the largest sand dunes in the world. This makes it really hard to slam a 40oz. of Carling Malt Liqueur and bear-climb to the top on all fours without puking or having a heart attack as fleet-footed seven year old girls beat you to the summit. It can and should be done, however. Long live the fighters.

It also illustrates why you should go to Namibia rather than hauling your Northface backpack through every bedbug infested hostel in London/Paris/Amsterdam/Berlin/etc. Don't be a Kafka: put that angry letter to your daddy on hold for a while, and try visiting a few new places, scary places, like Africa, or maybe Myanmar if you're a true individual.

Top 10 reasons you should go to Namibia:

It's winter there during our summer, so the weather is like San Diego.

It's inexpensive to go anywhere or do anything.

Everything is "Africanized": The bees, diseases, electrical outlets.

It's full of beautiful gem beaches, great whites swallowing entire dolphins, and other surreal animal experiences.

You can ride a camel across the dunes and pretend you're Peter O'Toole (but less drunk).

There are roads signs that say "Elephant Crossing"

The water is drinkable, everything works, everyone speaks English among other things, and there is almost no crime, malaria, or wars.

There is rule of law: you can only bribe the cops with chocolate.

People are very friendly, if not constantly aware of the guilt-inducing socioeconomic disparity created by your patronage.

You can tell all of your white friends about your "amazing experience in Africa"

McCain!

2008-08-04T05:01:00.006-04:00

I made this stinger for Shoot the Messenger, as a response to Obama's world tour. Viva McCain's travels!

Punched!

2008-07-31T19:44:00.004-04:00

Get Some Nuts!

2008-07-26T20:57:00.006-04:00

Mr. T is accused of being a homophobe in his new ad. I didn't really see it until he started shooting the guy with a tank and calling him a fag.

Medical Breakthrough!

2008-07-25T12:32:00.005-04:00

"I don't believe in charts and graphs. If I can't see it in my microphone, it must be smallern' hell. Also, I'm really a truck driver who murdered a scientist and stole his microscope. Teach him to science."

Brazil Rocks!

2008-07-24T04:25:00.006-04:00

I was just reading this article about how Brazil is an awesome country with a growing economy and an emerging middle class! Yeah! I guess if this country goes down the toilet, then I can always go back to Brazil... A country on the upswing!

Jail

2008-07-22T01:36:00.006-04:00

Jails are overcrowded everywhere, but especially here in the U.S. We have protection from cruel and unusual punishment in the Constitution, but does that mean jail has to be the answer to every crime? It seems cruel to me to put tax evaders and child rapists through the same system. But if we stop sending everyone to jail, we have to figure out some other method of punishing people for their crimes. Something fair and standardized, but not always JAIL. Cruel and unusual isn't synonymous with innovative. A fairer justice system would take into account the reality of our penal system, which is disproportionally punative for many crimes. We are a sophisticated modern society, but we lack any sophistication in the way we punish those who break society's rules. Once we find new ways, better ways, to punish certain crimes, the overcrowding of our prisons will decrease or desist, and we'll all be better off for it.

Coney Island

2008-07-18T21:48:00.003-04:00

I'm going to Coney Island tomorrow. I've never been before, so I'm sure I'll enjoy myself. I'll bring back lots of pictures.

Just In Case You Wanted to See a Lion in a Sidecar...

2008-07-18T10:37:00.004-04:00

Found this on some news website. Takes a moment for the eye to realize what a crazy pic it really is.

Graphic Requests

2008-07-17T21:13:00.009-04:00

I'm currently taking graphic requests from anyone with any ridiculous ideas. One of my friends already requested one, so I'll post it here:

I think it turned out well. But, I didn't realize squirells were so racist.

Obama's Book

2008-07-17T11:26:00.011-04:00

I'm reading Obama's book, The Audacity of Hope, and I have to say it's pretty good. Anyone who's ever wondered what he's all about as a candidate should give it a look. I started supporting him because I didn't like Hillary, but every time I saw him on TV I found myself agreeing with more of what he says, and liking the way he keeps his discourse from degenerating into the usual political shouting match. And if he's *really* anything like the person he paints himself as in this book, then I think he could become one of the best Presidents this country has ever seen. Unless, the Democrats manage to do what they're best at... snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. (don't remember who coined this phrase about the Democrats, but it wasn't me. ATTRIBUTION!!!)

Now that she's a terrorist, it's okay to make fun of her...

2008-07-16T12:26:00.000-04:00

Yum-o, indeed!

What I do with my free time

2008-07-16T12:22:00.001-04:00

Hello

2008-07-16T12:13:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd ride the wave of the very recent past and start a blog. Throughout the day I see something or read something that pisses me off or makes me want to talk about it. So why not do it here? Hopefully I'll post something somewhat interesting soon.

For the Brazilians in the house...

Tudo bem? Tudo bom. Isso é meu blog novo. Espero que vocês vão gostar tudo que acham aqui. Bom dia, e vejo vocês mais tarde. Beijos e/ou abraços.

Joe